Working in a chicken wing joint in Tel Aviv, fresh out of the army, I was invited by a friend to Shabbat dinner at her place with a few of her friends. Upon hearing that I had studied journalism and was looking to break into the field, one of them, whom I vaguely knew at the time and has since become a good friend, mentioned that her news outlet was hiring. And thus, a Shabbat meal led to my first full-time job in journalism. 

But new data, first published this week by journalist Derek Thompson, show that such meals are becoming fewer and farther between — in the United States, at least. Once a normal facet of American life, the percentage of Americans who have hosted friends and family at home has dropped steadily over the past 50 years. In 1975, 16% of Americans said they hosted a dinner party at least once a month, and 42% said that they entertained at home; today, that’s 5% and 19%, respectively. 

“In the last 30 years, Americans have seen double-digit declines in practically every measure of socializing. They are less likely to play cards; attend a sporting event; go to the bar; volunteer; or work on a community project,” according to Thompson. (It’s the acceleration of a trend spotted more than a generation ago by Robert Putnam in his influential 2000 book, Bowling Alone.)

Instead of face-to-face encounters, social interactions are increasingly taking place online, a situation that has been credited with fueling political polarization and extremism. This also comes as the United States — and the world more generally — is in the midst of what has been dubbed the “loneliness epidemic,” which may sound petty or banal but has been connected to a significant rise in mental and physical illnesses.

In the Jewish world, the nonprofit OneTable has been fighting to stem this tide, offering microgrants and informational resources to Jewish adults to help them host Shabbat meals. According to CEO Sarah Abramson, Shabbat meals aren’t just about networking or friendship or spirituality; they also offer a sense of Jewish community, particularly in cities and regions that don’t have particularly strong institutions. 

“We really believe that Shabbat exists inherently as a gift of our tradition that is as applicable to the modern day as it was thousands of years ago. And that’s because it provides a ritual marker and reminder to take a pause to reset,” Abramson told eJP on Thursday night. 

“[It is] why we so believe that even if trends in hosting are declining nationwide, our job is to invest in the host so that the Jewish hosting is only going from strength to strength,  because it’s not just what happens at the Shabbat table, it’s what the Shabbat table inspires in your life for the six other days,” she said. “If we were to see trends in hosting declining, it would be all the more reason to build a stronger OneTable because hosting is so critical to the existence of Jewish community, particularly in places where there are not as many institutions to support it.”

According to Abramson, while the national trends show a decrease in hosting at home, OneTable has seen a noted rise, particularly over the past three years since the Oct. 7 terror attacks. 

“If we take a snapshot at OneTable and particularly — and really interestingly — a post-Oct. 7 snapshot, our hosting is increasing,” she said. “We’re up about 14% in our hosts. … We have about 6,000 hosts out of our 80,000 participants.”

But, she stressed, this is an uphill battle, and it’s getting tougher. 

“When OneTable was started, the organization was built for millennials, who still had — even if maybe not the same as in the 1950s — that sense of welcoming and wanting to take leadership over your own experience in your own home. So we were built to enable people who are ready to enable themselves,” she said. 

Those demographics have shifted over the past 12 years, along with cultural trends. “Over 50% of our participants are now Gen Z. And what we’ve learned is that in a post-COVID world, in a world of increasing division, and, honestly, as the very basics of knowledge around what it would take to create a Shabbat experience — [it] feels like a high barrier for people,” she said. 

“The inherent desire to [host meals] was much stronger when we started [in 2014], and the ways in which we help people see themselves as hosts have become even more important,” she said. “Our work is not to give up. … Our hypothesis and thesis as an organization is that having Shabbat dinner is going to build community that is going to inspire you to have a richer, deeper Jewish existence. And therefore, if we are to evolve with this next generation, we need to make sure that we are providing the support necessary to take that leap and to be a leader who hosts.”

According to Abramson, the group has found that nearly everyone who takes part in a OneTable meal — 98% — reports feeling “more confident in joining other Jewish communal events as a result” of their participation.

In his article, which was later adapted for The Atlantic, Thompson examines a variety of reasons for this decline in at-home hosting, finding that a combination of trends is likely to blame: a breakdown in work-life balance; parents spending more time focused on their children; and shrinking friend networks. 

According to Abramson, the two main barriers for hosting that OneTable has found are a lack of confidence — that would-be hosts don’t feel they can invite people over for a meal in general and a Shabbat meal in particular — and the rising costs associated with hosting a meal.

“Even with what we hope is a generous gift from our community to inspire you to have Shabbat, deciding to open your home — especially if you want to have a dinner that includes meat or dessert or thing — is getting to be extremely expensive for young adults,” she said. “And if we don’t help make it easier, it is sometimes cost-prohibitive for them to even begin to open their home.”

Abramson said she hopes that the American Jewish community begins to see these “microcommunities” that are created out of Shabbat meals and the hosts who facilitate them as leaders worthy of investment. 

“In the same way that we have the Wexners and the Mandels, we should be investing in young adults who are willing to build microcommunities around the Shabbat table because they really are leading [a] community,” she said, referring to two eponymous leadership development fellowships. “We can help them make it more robust, thicker, full of education and more connected than if we leave them on their own.”

Story by: Judah Ari Gross | eJewishPhilanthropy